Yin and Yang
by Catwho
Summary: An ancient symbol representing the war between the Mazoku and Ryuuzoku may very well hold the key to their reconciliation. Lime warning.
1. Yin

an: Some Xel/Fil angst/mush. Yeah, yeah, I should be writing Fujiwara (chapter 6 just needs a bit of tweaking, I promise!) but I can't get the *yumminess* of this couple out of my head. Damn you Elf! This is all your fault! My Myuuzu-chan is just as infatuated with the pairing as I am, and she's refusing to work on Hikaru no Go stuff until I get this out of my system.  
  
[edit: ff.net absolutely refuses to display this link, so I'm leaving it out.]  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine.  
  
Readers: I like feedback. Since I'm extraordinarily new to the fandom (uh, two weeks?) and this is my first Slayers fic (first straight romance in a while, too, hmmm) I will probably screw a few things up. Let me know.  
* * *  
Yin and Yang  
Part one  
by Cat Who  
* * *  
  
The lump of clay beneath her hands spun around quickly, moistened with water. She applied a careful pressure with her fingers, watching with satisfaction as the clay hollowed and took shape, forming the beginnings of what would someday be a bud vase. The earthenware, once fired, would allow her to make a mold for the porcelain slip that would eventually become a fine work of art.  
  
Filia had never really understood her fascination with pottery and china. It had started with teacups, then grown to encompass everything from exquisite treasure boxes to enormous jars. Her shop allowed her to filter through some of the better antiques of the world, keeping what she liked best and selling what she didn't, but in the end there was nothing quite as fun as creating her own works, and she was even making a name as an artisan of her own right. A piece which bore her remarque had once sold for ten times the value she had given it in another country, or so a satisfied patron had told her.  
  
The new vase formed perfectly beneath her skilled hands. She stopped pumping the foot-peddle turntable, letting the vase slow down to a standstill, then took a small tool with which she would carve a pattern onto its sides. Her current works included vases and jars incorporating traditional symbols from around the world, and this vase would be featuring something called a "yin-yang."  
  
"Let's see," she said to herself, wiping her hands free of the clay that had coated them. Before her was a book with collected symbols from around the world, and from this she read aloud. " 'The Yin and Yang represent the forces of light and dark' -- hmmm, Ryuzoku and Mazoku, maybe -- 'and their continous battle in the world.' Yes, definitely us and the evil ones." She read on. " 'Neither one has dominance over the other, so their struggle will continue on eternally. Yet in this struggle is balance, because one is defined by the other and without the other has no means of existance. '"  
  
She frowned. It was true, but it didn't mean she had to like it. The Mazoku and the Ryuzoku had never quite failed to anihilate one another after thousands of years.  
  
" 'The yin-yang also shows the most important aspect of the struggle -- that neither is complete without the other. Each half has a small hole, which is placed within the other's realm. Even in the strongest darkness there is light, and even in the brightest light there is a shadow.' Hmf, that's definitely *not* true." Peeved, she began carving the symbol carefully, tracing into the vase a three dimensional relief of the black and white circle. The clay she carved from what would represent the white half she added onto the area that would become a black half. Yet she hesitated to take a chunk out of the black area and add it to the white.  
  
Even in the greatest good there must lurk a little knowledge of darkness, or else what would define the good in the first place?  
  
While she pondered whether to complete the symbol or not, a familiar flash of evil drifted across her senses, followed by a soft sound as Xelloss materialized out of nowhere behind her.  
  
Filia's eyebrow twitched. She'd never admit there was a single spark of good in that particular worthless piece of rubbish.  
  
"Whatcha doin', Filia-chan?" Xellos asked, his voice laced with smugness. She could _hear_ the smirk as he leaned close to her ear, opening one eye to a narrow slit to study the pottery scene before them.  
  
"Work," she answered. "And what are you doing here, Mazoku?"  
  
"Please, Filia-chan, we've know each other for years, I can assume we're on a first name basis by now," he chided, and straightened up, leaning one hand casually on her table. He was still too close; she could feel the dark energy radiating from him, dragging across the nerves in her arm that made contact with his cape. "I will tell you this -- I'm also here for work."  
  
Filia glared at him. "What sort of work, Xelloss?" she asked angrily, putting a stress on his name. "I assume your master must have some sort of business with me if she sent you here."  
  
Xelloss winked. "You know me well," he said with another VERY smug grin. "Juuoh-sama sent me here for several reasons. The first, and most pressing one, is that I'm to buy that vase when you're done."  
  
Filia's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why doesn't she just steal it?" she said, her voice dripping sarcasm.   
  
"That would be disrespectful to a craftsman, would it not, Filia-chan?" Xelloss studied the vase, noting the unusual circle with two swirls on it, one concave, one convex. "That looks like a yin-yang, it does. Only you haven't finished it."  
  
"How would YOU know about the yin and yang?"  
  
"You haven't yet realized; when you've been around for several millenia, you tend to see a lot of magical symbols." Xelloss' grin widened even further. "That is one of the most famous symbols for representing the war between the Mazoku and the Ryuzoku. But it is no longer in use, because the Ryuzoku refused to admit there was any truth in it."  
  
Filia said nothing. The sins of her race bore down on her conscience every day, and while she did her best to atone for them, nothing she did would ever completely serve as a penance.  
  
"If you light a single candle in the dark, everything will be slightly less dim." Xelloss' eyes opened fully, and he took her carving tool and made a perfectly circular hole on the yang half of the symbol. He pressed the clay into its proper position on the yin half. " 'And even in the brightest light there will be shadows,' " he quoted. Filia realized he was reading out of her book, and started to protest, but he covered her lips with one gloved finger, leaving a smudge of clay on them. "Where are the shadows within your heart, Filia-chan?" he asked.  
  
Filia's heart squeezed in pain. There was the darkness of her people's past, of course, but overshadowing that was a darkness, a sin so great, that she could never fully restore the light again.  
  
She forced a light tone into her voice as she spoke against his hand. "And where is the light in yours, Xelloss?"  
  
His grin widened even further, beyond the normal bounds of a human mouth, and he removed his finger from her mouth to shake it scoldingly in her face. "That is a secret," he said. "Now promise me that the first vase cast from this design will be for Juuoh-sama, and I can continue with my work for the day."   
  
"Why does the Beastmaster want a vase, anyway? So she can break it?"  
  
Xelloss looked vaguely insulted. "Just because we seek the destruction of the world doesn't mean that we have no aesthetic senses, Filia-chan. Juuoh-sama likes your designs, and she ordered me to ask you for the first vase cast from your next mold. Ironic that it has a such a potent symbol on it, isn't it? Promise me."  
  
Filia gave in. No sense getting angry when he was actually asking her nicely. "All right. It won't be done for at least a week, however. There's no need for you to come back before then."  
  
"Not even for my company?"  
  
"I don't want your company," she lied.  
  
"I understand. I'll be here for tea tomorrow then," he said, and phased out before she had a chance to grab the nearest mace from her workroom.   
  
Frazzled, the former dragon miko shook her fist at the air where seconds ago had been her adversary. "Argh! Why does he always have to show up and bug me?"  
  
The darkness in her heart answered the question honestly.  
  
"Because he knows you enjoy it as much as he does," it whispered, and she slumped back into her chair. She stared at the newly finished clay vase mold before her, and gently touched the spot of yang in the yin.  
  
Succombing to the darkness that she could never in a thousand years admit, she leaned onto the work table and cried.  
  
* * *  
End part 1  
* * *  
  
Ack! Myuuzu-chan has left me for the night, I guess. Come back Myuuzu, come back! Eh. Back to editing Fujiwara . . . look for a continuation of this in the next week or so. *chases after her errant muse with a spatula* 


	2. Yang

Surprise surprise! Myuuzu was in a cooperative mood today. So an extra quick update. Don't expect them to come too fast after this; I'm obligated to finish Fujiwara over in the Hikago fandom before I write ANYTHING else (I wasn't supposed to start yet ANOTHER fic!) although given Myuuzu's apparent case of ADD, I am unable to hold myself to any of my own rules.  
  
Review thanks go to MKawaii, lavender, and Ludacris. Yes, indeed, this is my first Slayer's romance! (First Slayer's fic, actually.) Thanks especially go to lavender for explaining other meanings of the yin-yang (they were incorporated into this chapter!)  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine.  
  
* * *  
Yin and Yang, part 2  
* * *  
  
"In the beginning, there was Chaos.  
  
"Everything was good for the first several billion years. The Chaos allowed itself to collapse into stars and planets, separating the night and day, and then allowed the planets to grow and change in their different ways.  
  
"But the Chaos was bored, and perhaps a little lonely, and so She decided allow Life to happen. Life seemed to be a great idea. It provided Her with constant entertainment, and allowed for endless experimentation. But it did not ease the loneliness She felt.  
  
"And so, on several of the worlds She had created, she made sentient creatures. These creatures had the ability to choose and make decisions based on their own will. Chaos was very proud of the idea. She created many variations of this idea, and it proved to be extraordinarily fun. Some of the smarter beings even realized who She was, and they talked and prayed to Her directly.  
  
"Prompted by that development, She set out to create a world with powers nearly as great as She. From Chaos there were borne Four Gods and Four Devils. Each was granted dominion over a dimension on the world. The Gods were given only one mission -- protect the world, and the Devils the simple instruction -- destroy everything.  
  
"Each God and each Devil made their own race of sentient beings, and so the eternal war between the Mazoku and the Ryuuzoku began. Eventually there may be a victor, but the entire war is in vain, for all shall one day sink again into the Sea of Chaos which created them."  
  
* * *  
  
Zelas fingered the extremely rare copy of the first book of the Claire Bible, unable to read it any further again. It bothered her to know that they were only pawns in L-Sama's little game of chess, but the Claire Bible's knowledge still seemed incomplete. Most of the knowledge pertained simply to what the Water Dragon King had thought of the whole situation; that is to say, he had no choice but to accept it as deemed by their God.  
  
Hmph, Zelas snorted. Just as I have no choice to accept it. Shabranigdo had created them from himself, granting them free will so long as their ultimate goal was the destuction of everything. In turn they had created their generals, and their armies of Mazoku, all who sought the total destruction of this world. It wasn't easy. The Ryuuzoku foiled most of their plans, and the stubborn persistance of the world's humans did the rest. It was an eternal struggle, indeed.  
  
But someday they would win. The Mazoku WOULD destroy everything. Eventually. Maybe after another couple of hundred thousand years. After the world had gotten a little more boring. Things were just too interesting at the moment . . .  
  
Zelas took a drag on her cigarrette and sipped a bit of the wine she'd chosen for the day. Her human form was but an illusion, yet it was an illusion complete with all the senses of a normal human being and then some. Part of being evil was indulging in sensory experiences; it was the Ryuuzoku who were supposed to think only morally pure and higher thoughts.  
  
The wine and cigarrettes in particular appealed to her, since they were destructive to a human's body and yet the humans consumed and smoked them anyway. Considering how much wine she drank and how many cigarrettes she went through in a day, a human Zelas would have rotted away from the inside by now.  
  
She sighed and crossed her legs on her comfortable chair, and mentally whisked the Claire Bible manuscript back to its proper place, well hidden away from Xelloss. She twirled one strand of her short blond hair absently. Destroying the knowledge of Zannafir was only one part of his task. The information contained within the Claire Bible regarding their purpose on this world was more than Xelloss needed to know. Considering his overly inquisitive and secretive personality, however, Zelas was pretty sure he already knew and had never bothered to let her know about the fact.  
  
If he did indeed know how futile the struggle was, then it might make her current plan a little easier.  
  
She dropped one elegant hand beside her chair, stroking the wolf that slept at her feet, and called for her servant.   
  
"Xelloss, come here," she said aloud, reinforcing the command with her mind. Within the space of a few moments he appeared, smiling as always, ready to do her bidding.  
  
"Yes, Juuoh-sama?" he asked innocently.  
  
"Have you requested the vase from the dragon girl yet?"  
  
Xelloss nodded. "She said it would be ready in a week."  
  
"What design will be on it?"  
  
"An ancient symbol called a yin-yang, Juuoh-sama."  
  
Zelas nearly dropped her cigarette holder. How entirely appropriate! She quickly regained her composure, and drawled, "Oh, REALLY. And you do know what that symbol means, right?"  
  
"It represents the ancient struggle between Mazoku and Ryuuzoku." Xelloss looked rather smug at his own knowledge.  
  
Zelas nodded, giving him a metaphorical pat on the head. "But there is also an older, more ancient meaning, however. The eternal struggle between light and dark is only part of the war; the yin-yang is also meant to remind us that something at its greatest intensity can easily turn to its opposite. The dark can be so dark it is a light in itself. The light can be so bright that it blinds, leading to eternal darkness."  
  
Xelloss stood like an attentive schoolboy. Zelas sighed. Just because she had made him didn't mean she knew what was going on in his mind. She was powerful, but not omnipotent. She'd have to spell it out for him.  
  
"And a hatred can be so intense that it is a sort of love."  
  
"Love, Juuoh-sama?" Xelloss winced at the very word.   
  
Good! Finally, that got a reaction. "Oh yes. Love and hate are two sides to the same coin. No; perhaps they are even on the same side of the coin, like the yin-yang shows, since the truest opposite of both hate and love is the absence of an emotion. If everyone was calm and serene and peaceful all the time, we'd starve. Apathy for life is as bad for us as a zest for it."  
  
Her priest was looking decidedly nauseated by the whole conversation. Zelas smiled a wicked little grin to herself as she felt the revulsion at the very idea radiating from him.  
  
"Is that all you wanted to tell me, Juuoh-sama?" he asked, looking quite eager to get away lest she continue the line of conversation and weaken him even more.  
  
"Nope. Go off, go torment the dragan a bit or something. You're looking absolutely peaked."  
  
He gave her a final look, as if to say, now whose fault is that? and then disappeared with a snap of his fingers.  
  
When he was gone, Zelas stood up restlessly and walked across her chamber, to where a very small collection of human artifacts had grown. There was a nice oil painting of a wolf on black velvet, several pretty teacups, and a small carving of a wolf done in wood. She touched the carving thoughtfully, and wondered where she should put her vase when she acquired it.  
  
They say that the Mazoku looked upon the humans as humans looked upon the ants. Yet many a human child has, at some point, kept an ant farm. Their lives were short enough to be meaningless compared to those of the Mazoku, and yet the Mazoku wore their bodies as illusions, enjoyed the same carnal pleasures as they did (more or less), and relied on them for nourishment.  
  
Yet Zelas would never had permitted it had it happened with a human. But a dragon . . . now that was a different story. Keep you friends close; keep your enemies closer, that sort of thing. And truthfully, the curious part of her wanted to let it all progress on its own, just to see how things would turn out. It was certainly going to be entertaining.  
  
"I can see why L-sama keeps us around, after all," Zelas said with a grin to herself. "And I'm really not so different."  
  
* * *  
  
Xelloss had to play with four different people before he felt like himself again. Fortunately, those four people tended to travel together all the time as it was, and so it was easy to prank around with them. One false treasure map with a certain chimerical cure spell marked as part of the treasure, and the result was instant confusion, aggravation, anger, hostility, and panic. Ah, no one cooked up an emotional meal quite as tasty as Lina Inverse and her gang, which was why he hung around with them so much.  
  
Once he was feeling better, he dropped onto a riverbank and played a game of Sink (throw mud on something until it sinks, quite a popular Mazoku game) while he pondered his master's words. A hatred so powerful it turned into love? He imagined the two snaking halves of the yin-yang, and shuddered. The very idea revolted him and went against his sense of being. Hatred was hatred. Love was love. In the yin-yang they were separate . . .  
  
Yet each one contained a small part of the other.  
  
Xelloss was not smiling then.  
  
"What is Juuoh-sama up to, anyway?"  
  
To cheer himself up, Xelloss decided to visit Filia for dessert.  
  
* * *  
  
With trembling hands, Filia removed the earthenware vase from the kiln where she had fired it, and checked it to make sure that the molding had come out all right. It made soft pinging sounds as it cooled in the outside air. Ahh, yes, all was well. The bud vase would actually be about a third smaller than this model, because porcelain shrank as it was fired, but it would be transulscent and watertight, unlike the opaque and porous earthenware model.  
  
She carefully set the hot plate containing the vase onto a stone table, and removed the oven mitts from her hands.  
  
Jillas came out of the store then, running frantically across the small side yard towards her. "Filia-onee-sama!" he cried. "The Mazoku is here again!"  
  
"Great. Just what I needed." Filia checked the vase to make sure it was secure on the stone table, and started stomping towards the house. "Jillas-san, thanks for telling me. Can you heat up the kiln? We'll be firing the porcelain in two days."  
  
Jillas stood there panting for a moment. "No problem, onee-sama," he said, his hands on his knees. He did not like the Mazoku very much, and especially despised the fact that the Mazoku alternately infuriated and saddened his mistress.   
  
He watched her go inside, and sent a little prayer to whatever gods may be for her wellbeing.  
  
* * *  
  
Xelloss grinned when he saw her enter.  
  
He'd already helped himself to tea (she had made a very strong concoction today, for some reason) and was sitting on her kitchen counter, sipping it delicately, savoring the taste of the warm liquid across his projected body. Far more nourishing to him was the waves of annoyance she radiated upon seem in her kitchen.  
  
"Get off the counter. Trash doesn't belong there," she snarled, and primly started gathering the tea things in her hands from the table where she'd set them earlier. "If you're going to stay for tea like you wanted, let's at least go in the sitting room like civilized people."  
  
Ah, a lovely taste, like ambrosia. Nothing else satisfied him quite like Filia's emotions.  
  
In a flash, Xelloss was in the sitting on her plump, overstuffed couch, demurely sipping his tea and delighting in the annoyed expression on her face as she slammed the tea set down on her coffee table.   
  
"You should be more polite around guests," he scolded, smiling as he basked in her glow.  
  
"I AM polite toward invited guests," she complained, and sat on the other end of the couch, far away from him. She sipped her own tea, frowning as she tasted how strong it was.  
  
"But I am invited, aren't I Filia-chan? Tell me you honestly don't want my company, and I'll leave."  
  
One of the main reasons that he loved to pick on her, specifically, was that she always started lying around this point. He couldn't exactly tell when a human was speaking truth, but he could sense their emotions, and Filia always panicked a little when she lied.  
  
"I don't want you here, kitchen trash," she said, staring at her teacup, unable to face him.  
  
"I said honestly, Filia-chan. If you can't be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with me?"  
  
She glared at him then, her blue eyes blinking with unshed tears. "There's no reason I should be honest with you."  
  
"Lying doesn't become a pure, moral, ethical little dragon," he pointed out. "Then again, that hasn't stopped your kind in the past. Right until the end the fire dragon's leader tried to lie to you, all in the name of protecting the peace of the world."  
  
She fumed in silence, and Xelloss realized he'd crossed some sort of line as tears of anger spilled down on her cheeks. He glanced over at the small egg containing the baby Valteria, which still had years of incubation under its adopted mother's loving care before it hatched.  
  
"We stooped to any measures to achieve our objectives," Filia whispered, more to herself than to Xelloss. "We even turned our love for the world into a hatred of anything we feared."  
  
Love can turn into hatred . . . and hatred into love.  
  
The emotions she gave off then weren't quite what Xelloss had been expecting. She smiled suddenly, and Xelloss let go of the emotional link before the impact of her change in mood affected him too much.  
  
"That's right, Xelloss. I can't be like my ancestors. I have to LOVE, not HATE!"   
  
Xelloss winced. His lovely dessert was apparently going to taste bad on the way up.  
  
Filia set her teacup down.  
  
"I'll start with you then, Mazoku kitchen trash." She took a deep breath. "I don't hate you."  
  
Xelloss flinched as if she had physically struck him.  
  
"Aw, c'mon Filia-chan, you know you hate me still. You're lying to yourself again."  
  
She shook her head. "No. You asked for the truth, and I just gave it to you. I don't hate you, despite all the things you've done to my ancestors and to me."  
  
Xelloss was turning green at her words. He tried to gain the upper hand again. "So that means you LIKE me, Filia-chan?" he asked, trying to put the teasing note in his voice but failing because his projected body was hurting a little too much.  
  
"I wouldn't go that far, Xelloss." She grabbed the nearest mace and thwacked him on the head, giving him a much needed dose of pain, even if it was his own. "I still wish you'd leave me alone and let me get over -- er, get on with my life. But I refuse to fall into the cycle of hate any more."  
  
"You're killing me here, Filia-chan," he whined, and decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. He started to crawl across the couch, determined to restore her to her normal state of anger. A nice Filia was almost as frightening as a nice Zelas.  
  
"W-what are you doing?" she asked, startled, as he reached over and grabbed her legs, swinging them onto the couch in the blink of an eye. He leaned over her and pinned her down with the last of his strength, then felt a surge of power return as she reacted with first confusion and then anger. "Pervert namagomi!" she screeched when his face was inches from hers.  
  
"There's the Filia I know," he said, and grinned as she struggled beneath him. Much better.  
  
"Stop it! Let me go!"  
  
"You hurt me very much just a moment ago," he growled. "Never tell me that you don't hate me again. I want your hatred. I live for it. Your anger, your rightious indignation --" Xelloss realized he was saying too much, but he was still a bit disoriented from the dose of happiness she'd given him moments before. He needed to feed a bit.  
  
What would cause more confusion and chaos right about now? Oh, of course.  
  
"I don't know wha--" Filia began to complain, and Xelloss interrupted her with a kiss, just a gentle one, on her lips. Her eyes widened and she stared at him, but did not pull away.  
  
"Silly dragon," he said against her mouth, and grinned smugly at her.  
  
A cloud passed over her face, and Xelloss was suddenly hit with a great wave of her sadness. He was startled; he had expected anger, not depression from his actions.   
  
"Let me go," she asked again in a whisper, and for some reason Xelloss complied, scooting back partly to his side of the couch.  
  
She studied him intently for a moment, still sprawled out against the plump cushions, her chest heaving against the contraints of the working bodice she wore, as if she were a small animal caught in a hunter's trap.  
  
Finally she spoke. "If not hating you is considered, to me, a sin, is that all right?"  
  
"What?"  
  
She bowed her head. "If I don't hate something, but I hate the fact that I don't hate it . . . does it work for you?"  
  
"You're not making any sense, Filia-chan," he said, anticipating her frustration. Having her sad and trembling like that was almost a sensory overload to him, and he wanted to change her emotions back to simple, predictable anger.  
  
This time it worked. She threw a pillow at him. "Never mind, kitchen trash. Just go. Please. And don't come back until the vase is done. I don't want to see you again."  
  
Ah! Back to lying. "I'll be here for tea tomorrow then. Same time?"  
  
"I said go away!"  
  
"I'll take that as a yes. Good bye, Filia-chan," he said with a wink. "Thanks for the tea -- and the dessert."  
  
He dissolved, and smirked with satisfaction as the beginnings of her enraged scream reached his ears.   
  
He rematerialized back on Wolf Pack Island, on one of the comfortable trees he spent most of his free time in, and pondered her words.  
  
"If she hates the fact that she doesn't hate me . . . does it mean she really DOES like me?"  
  
* * *  
  
End part 2  
  
* * *  
Must sleep . . . *yawns* 


	3. The Dark

AN: Don't you hate it when you know where you want to go in a story but just aren't sure how to execute it? I've got the last part of this fic clearly imprinted in my mind, it's just a matter of actually writing a believeable enough story to get there ^_^;;  
  
Reviews make me happy! Feed the author! XD  
  
Disclaimer: They ain't none of them mine.  
  
* * *  
  
Filia cried a bit after he left, although she was more upset with herself than she was with Xellos. She had almost said it, almost laid bare her soul, and just look what the mere mention of her feelings did to him. Her great sin weighed even heavier on her heart as she vowed never to make that mistake again.  
  
When did his teasing begin to mean more to me? she asked herself for the thousandth time, wishing she could ignore the part of her that looked forward to his daily interruptions. She lied every time he asked her if she wanted him over the next day, which was just as well because he always knew she was lying and came over anyway.   
  
Feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to get her work done, nor would it keep herself, Jillos, and Grabos fed. Filia immersed herself in the task of creating a plaster mold of the earthenware vase, which would be coated wth wax, filled with a wax plug to keep it hollow, and then filled with a porcelain slip. As the porcelain fired, the wax would boil away, leaving the bisque porcelain with an easily removed residue, but preventing it from sticking to the mold.. The plaster mold would be useable perhaps once or twice more before the intense heat crumbled it to dust. Porcelain was much much more time consuming than earthenware or stoneware, but the result was always worth it.  
  
"I hope Xelloss' master likes this," she said to herself as she poured the hot wax into the plaster.  
  
* * *  
  
Xelloss kneeled before the Beastmaster who was idly counting the bangles on her wrist. She was burning with curiosity as to why Xellos had fled back to Wolf Pack Island this afternoon; he usually did not return unless he was called. Yet he'd teleported to his room almost an hour ago as if Cephied himself was on his tail. Her metal queries had garnered no response, which usually meant he was asleep. Yet he'd finally answered quietly, and actually walked to the main chamber from his own quarters several floors above in her castle. In the shadowy room he looked pale and drawn.  
  
"So, speak up," she urged, trying not to sound too impatient. "You come back smelling much more strongly of the dragon than you usually do, and you refuse to even tell me what happened."  
  
"It's a bit embarrassing," Xelloss admitted, his perpetual grin looking rather forced.  
  
"What could embarass YOU, Xelloss?"  
  
"Apparently Filia doesn't hate me." He winced even as he said it.  
  
Zelas studied him for a moment before splitting into a wide grin of her own. "Oh REALLY," she said, stifling a giggle. "What could you have possibly done to the dragon girl to make her stop loathing your existance?"  
  
"She has some sort of new resolution to . . . love everything, instead of hating it."  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
The very idea seemed to make Xelloss ill. She was beginning to have an inkling of what had happened to her high priest. It wasn't easy for a Mazoku to be brung low by a woman, but when it did happen it was in a spectacular and disastrous way.  
  
"And what about you? Do you, er, not hate her in return?"  
  
Xelloss was silent for several moments, his face twisting in rare mental anguish as he fought with the feelings that shouldn't exist.  
  
"No, Juuoh-sama."  
  
"Don't lie to your mother." She frowned at him; Xelloss rarely lied, preferring to withhold information in the hopes of causing more carnage and confusion.   
  
He stared at the floor, clenching his teeth.  
  
"No. She is my enemy as always."   
  
She sighed and took a drag on her cigarrette. At this rate he wasn't going to be telling her the truth anytime soon. "Fine then. Be that way. But let me tell you this - if you don't wake up and grab a clue pretty soon, you're going to find yourself in deep trouble. And I don't mean from me."   
  
He continued to stare at the floor like a petulant child, shaking in confusion and pain. Zelas petted one of her wolves in agitation, then shooed Xelloss away, the bracelets on her wrist jingling with the sound. "Go. Just . . . go annoy Lina Inverse some more. Keep your strength up."  
  
Xelloss didn't even bother to stand up and say goodbye as he teleported away to sort out his inner turmoil. Zelas made a note to herself to replace her current stash of wine with something a lot more powerful; getting drunk lowers emotional barriers as well as inhibitions, and watching her favorite creation suffer so much was grating on what slight motherly instincts she posessed.  
  
* * *  
  
Xelloss dropped into the astral plane, clutching his chest in incredible pain. Filia's declaration had hurt him far more deeply than he had realized.   
  
"What's wrong with me?" he asked himself, experience a rare flicker of doubt which made the pain even worse. He felt literally as though he were being eaten from the inside out.  
  
He rested for a few moments, dwelling on all the torture he was going to inflict on innocent bystanders as a means of recuperation, then teleported off to torment Lina Inverse and her friends a little more. By now they should have at least gotten halfway through the false map.  
  
"Keep your strength up," Zelas had said. Xelloss had a feeling that she knew far more than she was letting on. Perhaps she knew what had happened to him? Mazoku didn't get sick as a rule; only positive thoughts and creative order weakened them. Yet Xelloss had a feeling that if he were a human with a nasty flu, this is what he'd feel like.  
  
"Starve a cold . . . and feed a fever, wasn't it?" he asked himself before leaping forth.  
  
* * *  
  
Jillas and Grabos helped Filia load up the kiln with mixed pottery. The porcelain, which had to be fired at the hottest temperature and for the longest time, was shoved in its mold into the back corner next to the furnace. Less delicate pottery, ranging from earthenware to a few pieces of glazed china, were arranged in a separate kiln near the front, where the temperature was much cooler. They wouldn't reach a firing temperature until tomorrow, but they could be removed the day after as well.  
  
Filia had decorated many other pieces with the yin-yang motif after receiving several positive comments from her customers who saw the earthenware. Even Jillas had recognized it.  
  
"The yin-yang has a special meaning where I come from," he had said, his fox eyes lighting up at the memory. "It is said to stand for two lovers, the sun and the moon, who give and take equally and exist in perfect harmony despite their clashing ways."  
  
Lovers, eh? Filia sighed and shoved bowl after bowl of leather-hard clay into the kiln. It wouldn't do her any good to dwell on the events of that afternoon any more.  
  
* * *  
  
After an eventful day of scaring, teasing, and aggravating Lina Inverse and the ever-traveling group with her, Xelloss felt much more like his normal self. Yet something still seemed to gnaw at him from the inside, to the point where he was unable to rest later that evening.  
  
"I want to see her," he said aloud, surprised to hear his own voice in the darkened room he slept in. It was true. He wanted to see her, if only for a moment, to gaze upon the beautiful waterfall of golden hair that spilled down her back, to see her blue eyes snapping with fire as she chastised him for interrupting her work, to kiss that lovely, pursed mouth once more.  
  
He teleported himself directly to her bedroom.  
  
She was asleep there, on her modest four poster bed, curled up underneath the soft white sheets like a dream in the moonlight that spilled through the open window. Xelloss could only stare at her as the gnawing in his gut bit him more sharply, this time accompianied by a fire that spread lower.  
  
Lust, he finally recognized. Part of what I feel is lust. I haven't felt that in centuries, and never before with someone who wasn't also a Mazoku . . . well, well, little dragon. So this is what you've done to me.  
  
She stirred, her face innocent in sleep. Her classic features were so different when they were snapping with fire at him. He had liked her before, but seeing her like this . . . she was the forbidden fruit, the one woman in the whole world that he could not have, by her laws as well as his own.  
  
"I think I know what Juuoh-sama is trying to warn me about," Xelloss said, the affable grin returning to his face. "But she needn't worry about that. I just didn't recognize the sensation I've been feeling all this time . . ."  
  
He crept closer, sitting on the edge of her bed, minimizing the shift of the mattress so as not to wake her. He reached out one hesitant hand, to tuck an errand wisp of hair behind her ear then softly cup her cheek.  
  
"Xelloss," she mumbled. He froze. She hadn't woken, but she had known even in sleep who trespassed upon her. He slid his gloved hand away, testing her emotions in her dreams.  
  
Powerful ways of mixed positive and negative emotions crashed into him, and he recoiled, fascinated by the mixture. The negative, the baser, carnal, more primitive emotions far outweighed the positive ones. Her mind was without barriers in her sleep. He could feel her desire.  
  
"So, it seems we both want the same thing, after all," he whispered to both her and himself. "That makes things a lot easier."  
  
After all -- to a Mazoku, what is the purpose of laws besides to be broken?  
  
* * *  
  
End chapter three 


	4. The Light

I realized AFTER I put up chapter 3 that I forgot the Review thanks. So here they are, for the last TWO chapters! Thanks go to Demonhime, Lady Dark Angel, Alexial, Nathan Huss, Kellis, Ludacris, Shira, gehtmane8, and minty fresh socks (I must say, you have the most ORIGINAL name I've ever seen on FF.net. XD I wish my socks were minty fresh.)  
  
The people in the HNG fandom are getting REALLY impatient (except the person who flamed me, although I don't worry about him) but I'm unable to write the climactic final battle between Hikaru and Tsuyujima until I work THIS fic out of my system. (And the poor Inuyasha folks have to wait until BOTH fics are done before I put out another update. I'm so lazy . . .)  
  
So, enough author's notes! On with ficcage!  
  
* * *  
  
Filia leaned against the warm stones of the bathing grotto, feeling the heat seep pain from her tired muscles. One of the nicest things about running a pottery shop, she mused, was being able to enjoy the side effects. Like readily available hot water.  
  
She had built her kiln behind the two story pottery shop, in the backyard of the building, which was on the outskirts of a peaceful village near the ocean. Jillos, Grabos, and herself had chosen it mostly because it was someplace that they had NOT been during the whole Dark Star business, which meant that they didn't remember an angry golden dragon macing random males or a hungry sorceress devouring their winter's food supply. That would all change if Lina Inverse ever decided to visit, but from her most recent letter, it seemed that Lina was traipsing across the penninsula with the rest of the group again and would not be visiting the Outerworld anytime soon.  
  
That was fine. Filia had her own problems without adding Lina Inverse into the equation.   
  
She sank deeper into the water, which leeched heat radiated from the kiln. Rather than waste the excess heat and risk setting nearby trees on fire, a second brick wall outside the kiln connected to a series of metal and stone plates, which in turn led to the small bathing pool. The arrangement only took a portion of the wasted heat to turn the small grotto into a miniature hotspring, deep enough for one person at a time. Kiln firing time meant a long hot soak for everyone, although Filia insisted they actually wash first before getting in the water, for sanitation's sake.  
  
Above her, a few small clouds made an attempt to look menacing on the horizon, but were crowned out by the cheering sunshine and continue birdsong from the trees around her. Her shop loomed in front of her, modest yet proud even from the backside. The kitchen and sitting room comprised the back half of the bottom floor, with the shop in the front half. Three small bedrooms and a water closet were on the top floor. When Val hatched, maybe five years or so from now, and then matured enough to require his own room -- another three or four decades, maybe -- she might have to add another bedroom.  
  
Then she remember that Jillos and Grabos might not be around that long.  
  
She sank deeper into the water still, her nose barely breaking the surface.  
  
That's right, she thought sadly. In another thirty or forty years they'll either be very old or even gone. Even Lina and the others might be dead by then.  
  
"Whatcha doin', Filia-chan?"  
  
Xelloss would still be around, unfortunately.   
  
She gasped in horror and tried to cover up her bare chest, and glared at the rude Mazoku that had disturbed her contemplation. She didn't even have a mace nearby.  
  
"I'm trying to BATHE, thank you very much," she hollared, and snatched a towel from beside the grotto. "It's something that normally calls for privacy!"  
  
Xelloss managed to look incredibly innocent as he said, "I didn't MEAN to spy on you. It's just that it's teatime and you weren't inside, so I decided to see where you were." He opened one eye halfway, the slitted demon pupil seeming to glow in the afternoon light. "Now that I know, I'll go back inside. Nothing much I'd want to see anyway," he said flippantly, but winked, to remind her that he was only teasing as usual. His teasing, as always, had the intended effect, and her tail shot straight up out of the water as she stood up.  
  
"What was THAT supposed to mean, kitchen trash?" she cried indignantly, then realized she was exposing a lot of flesh to anyone who happened to be peering into her yard. She tucked the towel securely around her body, and stepped onto the ledge of the grotto, fully prepared to strangle him with her bare hands, but he phased out just before she lunged for him.  
  
"Seeya inside!" he called as her arms encircled empty air.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelas took a drag on her cigarette and read the newspapers from around the world, more for the sake of interest than for the sake of doing her job -- plotting the end of the planet itself.  
  
"Let's see, the Hephzibah Rebels lost to the Seyruun Mages yet again. Should have seen it coming, but it's still rather depressing."  
  
Zelas was not actually a genuinely lazy person. She put an incredible amount of effort into being lazy. Making her general and priest into one person had been a very well thought out move all those millenia ago; Xellos was not only the most powerful Mazoku besides the Dark Lords themselves, he had required only half the effort to produce (although the same amount of energy, due to the nature of their beings.) Whereas a separate general and priest could communicate with each other behind their lord's back and cause problems, Xelloss answered to no one but her. She not only had the trump card in all inter-Dark Lord squabbles, she didn't have to waste any energy worrying over being usurped.  
  
Her location on Wolf Pack Island, carefully hidden from all human, Ryuuzoku, and most Mazoku eyes and senses, provided adequate natural defenses to the point where she didn't even have to maintain a standing army like Deep Sea Dolphin and Dynast did. Once again, less underlings to rely on, less energy wasted. Those who resided on the island with her and her wolves were handpicked for their loyalty and more importantly, their resourcefulness. Things were done with the utmost efficiency possible, which left plenty of time for play.  
  
"Fortunately, the Terringal Wolves destroyed the Marinata Dolphins, which means that Deep Sea owes me a human artifact now. If they beat them to the playoffs, I think I shall ask her to resurrect a boat for me."  
  
She continued checking the sports scores, and then compiled a list of predictions for the next round of winners for the games today. Idly, she wrote "Xelloss vs Filia" in the margins of her list, and then grinned to herself. Loyal and extremely resourceful, indeed.  
  
* * *  
  
Dried, dressed, and calmed down a bit, Filia stalked down her stairs to where Xelloss was sitting on her couch, one leg crossed over the other at the ankle in a casual, vaguely masculine pose. He looked perfectly at home, as if be belonged there, much to Filia's irritation. She stomped into her kitchen, slamming tea things onto the delicate porcelain tray. The tea water was hot already, and Filia knew that Xelloss had put it on the stove himself.  
  
The NERVE of him! she grumbled mentally as she took the tray into the sitting room and set it on the coffee table. Wordlessly, she scooped tea leaves into pierced porcelain infusers, which rested on the teacups, and poured the hot water carefully through them. The aroma of hot tea quickly filled the room.  
  
Still, she said nothing. She handed him a cup, the infuser still in place.  
  
Xelloss finally opted to break the silence. "I honestly didn't mean to peak at you, Filia-chan," he said with a smirk as he inhaled the steam from the tea, a rare look of genuine pleasure crossing over his features as he did so. "All Jillas said was that you were at the kiln."  
  
Filia made a mental note to re-acquaint Jillas with her mace later on.  
  
First things first, however. She took a deep breath. "We need to talk about what happened yesterday."  
  
"We do," Xelloss agreed, surprising her.  
  
"We were both entirely beyond the bounds of propriety."  
  
Xelloss sipped at his tea nochalantly. "And you do so hate not being proper, Filia-chan."  
  
She supressed her rising anger. "I think we should just forget yesterday happened at all."  
  
"I think we should not." Xelloss set the tea down then, and Filia noticed that his eyes were open as he looked at her hungrily. His eyes usually angered her, but today there was something about them that frightened her at the same time it *excited* her.   
  
Still, she protested. "You nearly passed out when I mentioned that I might not hate you," she said, narrowing her own eyes at the Mazoku.  
  
Xelloss winced slightly at the words again, but recovered admirably. "But as you yourself said, you hate the fact that you might not hate me. That in itself balances things out." He grinned and shrugged merrily.  
  
Her darkness, her sin filled her again, and she fought it, unwilling to let him know how much the guilt of her situation assaulted her on a daily basis.   
  
"So what do you want?" she challenged, sipping her own tea to try to hide how much the conversation was affecting her.  
  
"I want to kiss you again," he said.  
  
She nearly dropped her tea. Shaking, she set the teacup down on the table to avoid breaking the delicate porcelain. "I think you said that just to get a reaction," she said, quite calmly despite the maelstrom of emotion that had welled up inside. The darkness she battled every day ate away at her barriers.   
  
"You know me so well!" He laughed and stood up, taking a few menacing steps toward her. "But it wasn't just a reaction I was going for. I wanted permission, as well."  
  
Filia debated running away, and actually stood up from her chair to do so, but she wasn't fast enough as Xelloss just teleported the last few feet between them and caught her in strong, secure hug that meant she wasn't going anywhere. Her arms were pinned firmly to her sides, meaning that she couldn't reach mace-sama as Xelloss attacked her.  
  
Yet, despite his firm hold on her, his kiss was tender, much like it had been yesterday. The darkness nearly consumed her as every forbidden thought screamed to the surface, demanding she surrender. Desire, strong and swift, caused her to instead open her mouth to his, deepening the kiss.   
  
He sensed her acquiensence and let her arms go, allowing her to slide them around his torso and grasp at his back as he growled playfully and reached one hand up to cradle her head.  
  
Finally, when Filia was sure she was going to faint from the overwhelming emotions, he broke the kiss. "So is permission granted?"  
  
"It's a little too late to ask now," she choked out.  
  
"I'm not letting you go unless you give me permission," he teased, squeezing her to show that he meant it.  
  
"Then you're not letting me go anytime soon," Filia said, surprising herself. Mace-sama was in reach, but she didn't particularly feel like bashing him on the head at the moment. He might stop holding her if she did.  
  
"So I'll just have to steal another one!"  
  
If it was possible, this kiss was even more passionate, even more demanding. The last of Filia's mental barriers broke, and she surrendered to the darkness in her heart, kissing him back with equal ferver. She didn't say a word in complaint as Xelloss scooped her up and carried her up the stairs; she only hope that the guilt and darkness would not destroy her after it was all over.  
  
* * *  
  
When Xelloss' response to Zelas' mental query was a "VERY busy at the moment, Juuoh-sama," Zelas knew that her hunches were all true. She circled his name on the margin of her paper, adding him to the tally of "winning" teams for the week.  
  
"Let's see how the game plays out from here," she said to the wolf at her feet, whose head rose briefly at her master's voice before dropping down again. "L-sama's game of chess is quite interesting, but I think this game is a bit more fun to watch."  
  
* * *  
  
End part 4  
  
-- Since lemons aren't allowed on FF.net, if there every IS a more detailed description of the ensueing afternoon, you'll have to visit my website to find it. I'll let you know if I get around to writing it ^_^ 


	5. Emotion

Another quick update, mostly since I'm so depressed over the abrubt ending of Hikaru no Go that I can't bear to work on Fujiwara. (The flames I got recently didn't upset me nearly as much as the ending of the series!)  
  
As it stands, this fic as maybe one or two more solid chapters of material to go. I'm not sure if I want to continue it beyond what I originally planned; it depends on whether or not I think I can write it well ^_^;;  
  
Review thanks go to Kellis, Lady Dark Angel, and Ryoko'n Rain.   
  
Rating is PG 'cause of the following scene, folks. It's very mild lime. :D Maybe key lime? Key lime pie? I like key lime yogurt . . .  
  
* * *  
  
* * *  
  
It was morning when Filia woke. She was surprised at how well-rested yet sore she felt; normally she slept just enough to keep herself healthy, and she never did any sort of activity that required massive physical exertion.  
  
Then the events of the previous day came flooding back to her, and she remembered what sort of physical exertion she had done to put her body in such a state.  
  
The horror only lasted a moment until she realized that she felt more peaceful than she had in months. The worst -- or the best, depending on how she looked at it -- had happened. Anything that happened from this point forward was inevitable, and the incredible guilt that had eaten away at her seemed gone for the moment.   
  
She was naked, curled up against Xelloss' back on her little four poster bed. She squirmed a bit, but the arm around her waist was strong even in his slumber. She sighed, letting herself enjoy the luxury of being held in the manner she'd longed for. Xelloss had proved to be a surprisingly caring lover, and the soreness she felt in her legs was well worth the hours of pleasure she'd experienced.  
  
She felt him stir behind her, and the arm around her waist eased up, allowing her to face him.  
  
"So, little dragon," he said lightly, a wide grin on his eyes as he gazed at her with opened eyes, "how did it feel to be a bad girl?"  
  
"You should know," she retorted, shoving his shoulder playfully. "Can't Mazoku read emotions?"  
  
"I was a little overwhelmed in my own sensations to monitor yours that closely," he said honestly, the grin widening a bit further.   
  
"Oh. Well, if you're asking the 'was it good for you?' question, then the answer is yes." Feeling a little embarassed for the first time since waking up, Filia slipped out of the bed, self consciously wrapping herself with a sheet.  
  
"You do an ego good, Filia-chan." Xelloss leaned back in her bed, his arms behind his head, and managed to look smug and proud at the same time. He made no move to get up and get dressed.  
  
For that matter, as Filia picked up her discarded clothing, she didn't noticed any of his own. That's right, she told herself. The human form that a Mazoku wears is nothing more than a projected illusion that can be altered at will.   
  
So while she distinctly recalled removing his clothing herself -- in a few places with her teeth -- they had probably simply evaporated once he no longered focused on them. For some reason the thought saddened her. All the incriminating evidence on the floor was hers, and hers alone.  
  
"So," Xelloss answered, "tell me why something feels different about you this morning." He studied her from his reclined position on the bed as she straightened out her various articles of clothing and started getting dressed for the day. "You don't seem as tense as you have in the last few days."  
  
She supposed that she owed him the truth, for once. "Something is a little different. I've been fighting with the . . . erm, desire I'd felt for you." She cringed at actually saying the words aloud, but pressed on. "Yet this morning none of the guilt that had plagued me before seems to be there at all. It's as if it just doesn't bother me any more."  
  
Xelloss nodded thoughtfully. "I'd thought so." He closed his eyes and snuggled down more comfortably. "The guilt that you felt was a dark emotion, which is why it bothered you so much. Last night, part of what we did was share my . . . essence, if you will. There is now a little bit of my darkness inside of you. That essence allows you to carry the dark emotion without feeling bad about it. It's an unexpected side effect, but at least you should return to your normal angry self now."  
  
She looked very surprised; he HAD noticed how she had changed recently. The guilt must have been very apparent to him.  
  
"I thought you said before that there is a darkness in every light, just like the yin-yang shows us," she said, shrugging on white peasant blouse.  
  
"Perhaps because of the nature of your being, you don't have the capacity to carry that darkness by yourself." Filia said nothing. What he said sounded very possible; they were the creations of Cephied, and weren't even supposed to be capable of any dark emotions, let alone act upon them. Yet the Golden Dragons had committed genocide in the name of maintaining peace, and Filia herself was an example of a dragon who couldn't hold her temper.  
  
"So in a way, I've corrupted you!" Xelloss sounded very satisfied with the turn of events.  
  
"I think I was already corrupted," Filia argued, lacing up a plain work bodice. "You just made me feel less guilty over the whole thing." She smiled at him then, the same tiny smile she gave him on only a few previous occasions. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome," he said graciously. "But," he continued, "that still doesn't explain why you even allowed this . . . us, to happen in the first place. Shouldn't a former shrine maiden be more careful about maintaining her celibacy?"  
  
Well, since the worst had happened already . . .  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I fell in love with you, silly."  
  
Xelloss looked at her strangely then. "You . . . what?"  
  
"I told you before that I hated that I didn't hate you anymore. Now that I no longer hate the fact, I might as well tell you that." Her eyes were shadowed by her bangs as she shyly turned to face him and repeated, "I love you, Xelloss."  
  
The Mazoku did not look pleased by this turn of events. "You mean it wasn't lust over me you were feeling guilty over?"  
  
"Well, of course that was part of it." She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch his cheek, but he shrank away as if her touch might burn him. "Xelloss, what's wrong?"  
  
"I have to go," he said abrubtly, and snapped his fingers. Just like that, he was once again fully clothed. "I'm sorry Filia, Juuoh-sama is calling me. Goodbye."  
  
"Wait!" Filia cried, but he teleported away before she had a chance to make him explain. The sheet he had been lying under fluttered to the bed, making the rumpled plane look extraordinarily lonely. She touched her hand to where he had lain, and it was still rather warm from his projected body heat.  
  
She didn't even noticed she was crying until the tears landed on those empty sheets.  
  
"What have I done?" she asked herself in quiet horror. "I've gone and scared him off."  
  
* * *  
  
The pain was unbearable.  
  
Xelloss lay in a crumpled heap before Juuoh-sama, who sat on her throne and observed him, quite concerned looking. He did not care what she thought of his present situation. All he could think of was the pain.  
  
"What did that dragon girl DO to you?" Zelas asked, twitching one stocking-clad foot in something akin to nervousness. "I've never seen you this bad off."  
  
"It's rather . . . personal, Juuoh-sama," he heard himself say.   
  
"Hmmm. If I had someone kill the dragon girl, would that make you feel better?"  
  
Xelloss's pain increased sharply, and he all but blacked out from the intensity.  
  
"I guess not." Zelas stood up and walked over to Xelloss, who further collapsed onto the ground. "You've fallen in love her, haven't you." It was not a question.  
  
"Mazoku can't love," he choked out in denial, and finally fell into a delerium from the severity of the agony. He was vaguely aware of Zelas picking him up and carrying him to his room, but he didn't remember much of anything beyond that.  
  
* * *  
Xelloss didn't show up for tea that afternoon. Filia felt a bit hurt; he could show up whenever she specifically asked him not to, but when she wanted him here, he didn't bother to make an appearance. Typical Mazoku.  
  
She shoved pieces of fired pottery out of the smaller kiln with much more force than was necessary. The porcelain test vase still had another day of firing before its bisque stage was done, but at least Xelloss would have to come pick it up himself. She'd corner him then.  
  
Xelloss was right about one thing. Now that the guilt was mostly gone, she once again felt her normal anger.  
  
"Stupid Mazoku. Stupid yin-yang. Stupid dragon!" she berated herself as she stacked the pottery and started carting it inside to her workroom. "ARGH! I just want to mace something!"  
  
"Um, onee-sama?" Jillas said carefully from the doorway of the workroom, and he blinked in surprise when a mace when flying towards his head. He ducked just in time, but cowered in fear of the towering dragon, who had erected a battle aura that rivaled that of an enraged Dark Lord.  
  
"Jillas! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Filia cried when she realized she'd nearly maced an innocent bystander. Then she remember that Jillas had told Xelloss to find her "near the kiln" yesterday, and decided that Jillas had deserved a scare if nothing else. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Grabos and I were just worried about you. We didn't see you yesterday hardly at all."  
  
The fox looked at her ernestly. Filia sighed; they had probably been genuinely worried, with the Mazoku dropping in all the time.   
  
Filia's rage left her as quickly as it had come. "I'm fine, thank you, Jillas. I just felt a little tired so I went to bed early."  
  
Jillas didn't look as if he believed her. "Are you sure, onee-sama? If anything happens to you, Grabos and I will never forgive ourselves."  
  
She gave him a tired, crooked smile. "I appreciate your concern. Everyone should have friends as loyal as you. But I'm fine. Honestly. We have a lot of work to do today, however. All these need to be glazed and back in the kiln before the porcelain items reach their heat peak this evening."  
  
Jillas nodded and picked up the nearest stoneware pot. He looked at the yin-yan symbol engraved on it, then shook his head as if he didn't understand it, before picking up a pot of white glaze to turn the bisque stoneware into genuine china.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelas Metallium looked at her general/priest with something akin to pity. He lay on the bed he kept in his room, but he did not sleep; instead his body twisted and turned as he fought against the pain in his unconsciousness. He had long since lost total control of his human form, and occasionally dropped into a shape like a small black whirling tornado, his true form from the astral plane. His astral side wasn't faring much better, either.  
  
Xelloss was dying. And there was nothing Zelas could do about it.  
  
"I have to get her," the Dark Lord said to herself, taking a long drag on her cigarette to calm her nerves. "I have to get that dragon girl. She has a right to know what she has done."  
  
* * *  
  
End part five 


	6. Reason

* * *  
  
Angst! Oh, the ANGST! I don't normally write angst, but this fic just wouldn't be the same without it . . . and it's not so bad still. I hate unhappy endings.  
  
Review thanks go to Ludacris, Ukchana, Suisei Lady Dragon (five reviews, one for each chapter, wow), gldfire, kellis, Ryoko'n Rain, Neko-Metallium, and minty fresh socks.  
  
* * *  
  
Two days had passed, and Xelloss had not appeared again. Filia had the strangest feeling, as if part of her heart was missing. She continued working on her pottery, not taking pleasure in her work for once.   
  
She felt betrayed. She had given herself to Xelloss, even confessed her sin to him, only to have him up and disappear from her. Had he finally gotten what he wanted all along? She'd kept her celibacy for almost five hundred years, only to lose her head, her body, and her heart to a Mazoku who didn't even bother to return to her again.  
  
The porcelain's bisque firing was done, and the vase itself was cooling in the outer kiln now. A cursory inspection had shown no major flaws; providing that the glazing went all right, Xelloss's master would have her vase on time.  
  
She had started forming other molds from the main earthware cast when Jillas came into her workroom, a puzzle expression on his face.  
  
"Onee-sama, there's a customer in the shop who wants to speak to you. She says it's very important."  
  
Filia sighed and wiped her plaster-coated hands on a damp towel. "Did she give her name?"  
  
"No, onee-sama. She looks very . . . strange."  
  
"I'll go see her."  
  
She entered the main store through the door behind the counter that led to her workroom. Admiring the antique vases and pots was a tall, slender woman with blonde hair spilling down her shoulders, who wore filmy white clothes and an assortment of bracelets on her wrists. She looked very elegant, but as Jillas had noted, there was something strange about her as well. She had a predatory grace about her that showed in every twitch of muscle, and every small, silent step.  
  
"Ma'am?" Filia called, stepping from behind the counter. "How may I help you?"  
  
The woman turned around.  
  
Filia heard herself gasp aloud as she stared at the face of the stranger. She had the same eyes as Xelloss! Long, elegantly slitted violet irises that spoke of volumes of mischievous evil contained in a being too beautiful to be good. The woman held a slender cigarette in her hand, which left a wispy trail of smoke in the air beside her.  
  
"Are you Filia Ul Copt?" she asked. Even her voice was similar to that of Xelloss, although it lacked the teasing note that the priest used.  
  
"Yes," Filia answered, trying to hide her shaking hands. "And you must be the Juuoh-sama."  
  
"Please, call me Zelas," the Beastmaster said with a regal tilt of her head. "I was just admiring your handiwork; you are truly a master craftsman. It's a pity more dragons didn't try their hand at the human arts. Or Mazoku, for that matter."  
  
"Why are you here?" Filia asked quietly. "Does this have something to do with Xelloss?"  
  
"Yes, it does." Zelas took a deep drag on her cigarette, the delicate bones in her wrist sliding around below her skin visibly, elegantly. The Beastmaster had the look of a dancer about her. "Three days ago, Xelloss returned to me in a very . . . undesireable state."  
  
Filia felt her face flush with embarassment. "It was obvious then, what we did."  
  
Zelas raised one eyebrow. "Actually, no, it was not. My son has NEVER been in such a state in all his life. I'm not sure what you could have done to injure him so, but the simple fact is that Xelloss is in very grave danger."  
  
Danger?  
  
Filia brought her fists up to her mouth. Here, she'd been cursing him for not returning, and something she had done to him had prevented him from coming back all along.  
  
"You must come with me. I don't know if he can last much longer."  
  
Zelas grabbed her arm, and teleported them both instantly to a location far, far away. Without breaks, the long teleportation drained Filia of strength as they floated through the endless nothing. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they arrived in a large, darkened room.   
  
In the middle was a bed. On the bed, curled into a fetal position underneath the covers, was Xelloss.  
  
Filia stifled a cry and took a few involuntary steps towards him.  
  
"He cannot hear you, nor see you," Zelas warned, staring at her son with a grave expression. "He's been like this most of the time since he returned to me. Do you know what has happened to him, dragon?"  
  
Filia shook her head, tears beginning to fall down her face. "I thought I had scared him off . . . I only told him . . . that I was in love with him . . . surely mere words can't hurt a Mazoku this badly?"  
  
"The emotions behind the words are very powerful. I believe you triggered a reciprocal feeling in him, despite what Xelloss intended with you."  
  
It took Filia a few moments to decipher Zelas' sentence. "You can't mean that he loves me as well. I've always heard that . . . Mazoku can't . . ."  
  
"Can't love?" Zelas laughed then, a sharp bark that was full of bitter humor. "No, we can't. The affection I hold for my son is because he is a part of me, and I suppose that the humans might view that as a type of love. But true love -- the mutual giving and acceptance of the heart -- Mazoku cannot experience that for long. It kills us."  
  
"A positive emotion . . ."  
  
"Coming from within. Carnal pleasures, the desire for wine, women, and song, to use a human phrase -- all those things are at their very essence negative emotions. Xelloss no doubt thought what he was experiencing was base lust, which is fine for a Mazoku. But instead, he fell in love with you. His emotions are fighting against the very core of his being. The only reason he has lasted this long is because he's so strong."  
  
Filia had found herself drawn to the bed, where Xelloss lay naked under the blankets, his body twisting and grimacing in an unconsciousness too violent to be called sleep. Occasionally a crackle of black lightening would envelope him, and he'd revert to his astral form.  
  
"Isn't there anything we can do?" Filia asked, unable to tear her eyes away from the dying Mazoku.  
  
"Nothing. I left him alone for two days, in the hopes that he could fight off the emotions, but his own feelings are too strong. He'd rather die now than reject his love for you."  
  
Zelas spoke with a coolness in her voice, but Filia had a feeling she was far more saddened by what had happened than she let on. After all, Xelloss had been her first and only creation, the one Mazoku in the world she referred to as her son, according to Xelloss.  
  
"I should never . . ." Filia began, and her voice caught. Forcing down the bile in her throat, she tried again. "I should never have fallen in love with him. I knew it was a sin, knew it went against everything I had been taught . . . and yet I couldn't help it. It was wrong of me."  
  
"The humans say that there is no such thing as a wrong love," Zelas corrected her softly.  
  
"But I felt so guilty! I tried not to let him know . . . but he sensed that something had changed in me. And then you requested the vase, and I discovered the yin-yang symbol . . ." Filia collapsed on the ground next to Xelloss' bed, her arms on the covers as she broke into sobs.   
  
"Light and dark. Good and evil. Order and chaos. The sun, the moon. Male and female. The yin-yang is a very mysterious symbol, and it describes the relationship between the Mazoku and the Ryuuzoku very well. But that was not its original meaning." Zelas stepped forward and placed one slender hand on the dragon's shoulder. "The truest meaning is that of love and hate. They are so intertwined that they are often indistinguishable between one another. I think it was inevitable that a Mazoku and Ryuuzoku, who hated each other so passionately, would grow to love each other with equal passion."  
  
Filia sobbed harder, despite the Beastmaster's words. Xelloss is dying, and it's all my fault, her mind kept chanting. It's all my fault.  
  
"I'll leave you alone with him for a while. He may become conscious; I think he'd want to see you one last time."  
  
Zelas left quietly, through the door as if she were a mortal being. Her anklets tinkled an echoe in the cavernous room that they were in, however, their music a sad melody of life in this chamber of death.  
  
* * *  
  
Filia remained there for many hours before Xelloss finally woke up. Upon seeing her face, he grinned, then immediately grimaced in pain.  
  
"Xelloss!" she cried, resisting the urge to fling herself on him.  
  
"Hallo, Filia-chan," he said weakly. "I'm afraid I'm not in the best state at the moment. Why are you here? I don't want you to see me like this."  
  
"You idiot," she argued, fresh tears running down her face. "I wanted to see you again. You left without an explanation, and then Zelas shows up and tells me you're dying! "  
  
"Yeah, well," Xelloss said, and then fell into a fit of coughing. He dropped into his astral form for several moments, and the whirling black cone almost came to a standstill before he gained control over his transformation again. "That's what happens when a Mazoku falls in love."  
  
He'd said the words, and it cost him dearly. He seemed to shrink in onto himself.  
  
"Hold on, Xelloss!" she cried.  
  
Snippets of their conversation the morning after they'd made love flitted through her mind.  
  
She'd no longer felt guilty, since she had a bit of a Mazoku's essence in her to carry the dark emotion. Since the Ryuuzoku were closer to humans in constitution, the dark emotion of guilt had not killed her, especially since it was guilt over a positive emotion in the first place.  
  
Perhaps . . . if there were a bit of Ryuuzoku in Xelloss, he'd be able to carry his love for her without dying?  
  
Without a moment's hesitation, she brought up her wrist and severed the main artery with her sharp incisors. Bright red dragon's blood, the closest thing she could think of to her own essence, flowed from her body onto the blankets. She shoved her wrist against his mouth.  
  
"Drink it, Xelloss," she urged. At the first taste, he recoiled, but then he began to drink greedily, sucking the blood from her body. It hurt her a lot, but the pain from blood loss was nothing compared to the pain of losing Xelloss.  
  
He continued to drink, until she began to feel faint. She tried to pull her wrist away, but he had a firm grip on it with his monster's mouth and she feared ripping her entire hand off.  
  
"Enough," she whispered, spots appearing on the edges of her vision. Finally, Xelloss' body gave out as well, and he fell into what she could only hope was a peaceful slumber and not the Mazoku version of death. She pulled her wrist away and wrapped it in her skirt, to stymie the flow of her life's blood.  
  
Weak from her own blood loss, Filia joined him on the bed, curling up into a ball beside his still frame.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelas entered Xelloss' chamber the next morning, fully expecting to find the dragon girl weeping once more and her only son still on his deathbed. She'd have to comfort the girl as best as she could, which wasn't much, come to think of it, but there really was nothing she knew how to do. Most Mazoku who lost their hearts, be it to human, other Mazoku, or even a dragon (anything was really possible, although it had never happened before them) would have died in an instant. It was a testament to Xelloss', and by extension, the Beastmaster's power that he had lived for that long with the positive emotions of true love eating away at the fibre of his being.  
  
She was very surprised, however, to find them both resting peacefully, side by side. The room smelled strongly of blood -- dragon blood, Zelas noticed -- and the two lovers were almost covered in it.  
  
"What in Shabrinigdo's name happened in here?" Zelas asked, her high heeled sandings making a soft sound against the cobblestone floor.  
  
Filia stirred, her pale face with dark smudges below it from blood loss.  
  
"The yin-yang is now complete," Filia answered. "I think I . . . corrupted your son, but at least he's alive."  
  
Zelas looked incredulous. "You had him drink your blood?" she said, looking down on the pair. Xelloss had smears of crusting red-brown all over his face.  
  
"I think it worked." Filia wrinkled her nose. "Although I could use a glass of water and a piece of steak now. And a bath."  
  
Xelloss woke up then, blinking in the dim light until he recognized the blonde women around him.  
  
"Juooh-sama? Filia?" He sounded very confused.  
  
"Feeling better now, Xelloss?" The Beastmaster looked immensely relieved. "Don't scare your mother like that."  
  
"Good morning, my love!" Filia hugged him tightly to her, and the Mazoku squirmed away from the affection like a child, for the first time not like a wounded animal.  
  
"Filia-chan? Why are you here?"  
  
"Answer my question, Xelloss. Are you feeling better?"  
  
Xelloss blinked a few times to recover his bearings, then dropped into a familiar grin, his eyes smiling in far too innocent of a fashion.  
  
"I feel a great deal better, Juuoh-sama! Although I can't think of how that's possible -- ne, Filia-chan, you don't have to hug me THAT tightly . . ."  
  
"I'm just so HAPPY!"  
  
Even Zelas winced at the joy radiating from the dragon's statement, but Xelloss seemed to take it in stride. It really had worked. And it would hopefully be a permanent solution too; the sharing of an essence between two magical creatures was no trivial matter.  
  
"I'll leave you two alone. Xelloss, you both should get cleaned up. Meet me in the main chamber once you're presentable."  
  
Xelloss looked up from where Filia was attacking him with kisses. "Hai, Juooh-sama!" he said.  
  
* * *   
  
End Part 6 


	7. The Spiral

Okay. Here ya go. Final chapter. This took me WAY too long to finish, and I apologize. But hey! Now it's done! I did actually finish it!  
  
Tons of review thanks go to everyone who nagged me since chapter six.

For some reason FF.net won't let me use my usual asterisks as a break, so we'll switch over to lines.

* * *

Both Filia and Xelloss agreed with Zelas's assessment that they were filthy, and hied over to the luxurious bathing room that ajoined Xelloss' chambers.  
  
"Turn around," Filia commanded, as she started to removed her blood soaked garments.  
  
Xelloss, who was himself already naked and looking none the worse for the wear besides being covered in blood and dried sweat, did so with a smirk. Despite all that had happened to them in the last few days, she still clung to her pretense of modesty. For several moments he heard the sound of her undressing, and then the soft sough of soap against skin.  
  
"Is it safe to look yet?" he asked obediently when he deemed it most opportune, and then turned back around anyway to find Filia standing there respledently nude, about to rinse herself clean, not yet in the bathing pool.  
  
"Eeeek!" she cried, and leapt into it with a splash, soap and all. "Pervert! I told you to turn around!"  
  
"But you didn't say for how long, Filia-chan!" he crowed triumphantly. Even having the essence of a Ryuuzoku in his body didn't diminish the pleasure he derived from an angry Filia.  
  
"Incorrigible," she grumbled.  
  
"This from someone who just got soap in my bath?" he teased, and lathered himself up as well. Her blood still had a faint, metallic smell to it, and he knew he'd probably smell of it for days as his body struggled to absorb it. Ryuuzoku and Mazoku bodies did not merge easily; Valgarv was a testament to that.  
  
And yet, he honestly didn't feel any pain from it, only an overwhelming sense of relief from the agony of an emotion his body wasn't designed to handle. He loved her. He wanted to protect her, to cherish her forever.  
  
Hell with it, he wanted to marry her.  
  
He picked up a bucket and scooped some water from the bath, and rinsed the soap and muck off as best he could before sinking into the hot water a few feet away from Filia. The bath was deep, tapped into a natural spring someplace else on Wolfpack Island. Zelas had a much larger bath than this one, even though Xelloss' bath was quite big to begin with. If Xelloss and Filia were to hold hands in the middle and stretch to opposite sides, they would still be an armlength or so short.  
  
"How is your arm?" he asked, genuinely concerned. Perhaps concern was another emotion his body was now capable of; it wasn't something he could recall ever feeling before.  
  
"I cast a healing spell on it after we woke up." She showed him her left forearm, which now had an angry white scar but was otherwise whole. "I'm going to need to eat a lot of protein and drink some water soon; I'm running on half the capacity of blood I should be."  
  
"And very sweet your blood was, too," Xelloss said with a grin. "Too bad there won't be need for a repeat performance. Mazoku are generally vampires of emotions, not the physical life essence." He rubbed his stomach. "No sustenance in blood."  
  
"So . . . you won't need more of my blood? You won't get sick again, will you?"  
  
"Naw," Xelloss dismissed the notion. "You haven't felt guilty over loving me again, have you? In small doses, Ryuzoku and Mazoku essences can coexist peacefully, I think."  
  
"Like in the ying and yang."  
  
"Right. I think." Xelloss closed his eyes and sank back into the hot water with a comfortable sigh. "And if it's just a need for exchanging our life essences, kissing should do just as well."  
  
"Kissing?"  
  
Xellos grinned VERY widely. "Of course, Filia-chan! Why do you think we both lost our heads every time we kissed? It allowed us to temporarily accept the emotions inside of us with no nasty side effects. But in order to maintain the levels of each other's essences, we'll have to make sure to kiss all the time!"  
  
Filia glared at him. "I believe you're making that up."  
  
"Caught red handed!" He opened his eyes to lazy purple slits and leaned forward. "I just wanted an excuse to kiss you now."  
  
"Silly Mazoku," she murmured, but didn't pull back as he leaned closer. "You don't need an excuse to kiss me anymore."  
  
It was a long time before they made it to Zelas' chambers.  
  
Zelas tapped one sandal-clad foot against the flagstone floor of her throne room, and took another impatient drag on her cigarette.  
  
They were late. Not that she had given them a time frame or anything. But she had a nagging feeling that they had paused in their ablutions for some extraneous activities. Well, that was young love for you.  
  
She fingered her copy of the Clair Bible, wishing that the Water Dragon's Kings directions for this sort of situation were a little less vague.  
  
"Aw, hell with it. We're making up new rules anyway."  
  
She tossed the book over her shoulder.  
  
They arrived solemnly, clean now and glowing with health. They both stood before her, awaiting whatever judgement she chose to give them.  
  
"Love and hate," she began, in a sing-song voice. "War and peace. White and black. Positive and negative. Sun and moon. Masculine and feminine -- Xellos, aren't you glad I didn't make you a girl?"  
  
"Very, very glad, Juuoh-sama." He beamed and kissed the top of Filia's head.  
  
Zelas closed her eyes, sighing deeply. "No matter what way I look at it, you two are bonded now. For eternity, most likely. Are you prepared for that kind of sacrifice? If one of you dies, the other will probably die as well."  
  
Filia spoke quickly. "I think now that if Xellos died, I wouldn't have much will to live anyway. I . . . was thinking that, before. In the chamber. That's why I had to save him." Her face clouded, and she reached down to clutch his hand for strength. "I know now that these emotions aren't something I should run away from. I will accept whatever consequences may come."  
  
"So will I," Xellos said, and looked his master squarely in the eye. "Do we have your blessing -- or should I say, your permission?"  
  
Zelas snorted. "Do you think I could stop you? Fine, you have my permission. Do whatever you want. Just remember to invite me to the wedding."  
  
"Wedding?" Filia squeaked, her eyes going wide. "Who said anything about a wedding?"  
  
Xellos blinked at her. "What? Aren't we getting hitched now, Filia-chan?"  
  
The golden dragon was suddenly flustered. "I--we--the thought never occurred to me!" She panicked and looked at Zelas, who winked in response. She took a deep breath and found herself staring into Xellos' bottomless eyes. They glinted evilly, teasing her and somehow at the same time daring her.  
  
Zelas waited. But not for long.  
  
"YOU never even proposed! How do you know I even WANT to marry you?!" Filia exploded magnificently.  
  
"Who wouldn't WANT to marry me? I'm tall, dark, and handsome, AND rich and powerful! I'm everything a woman could hope for!" He stepped back, grinning disarmingly as Filia ran over to the wall and grabbed Zelas' decorative wolf-headed axe.  
  
"YOU ASSUME TOO MUCH!"  
  
The pair merrily chased each other out of the antechamber, leaving Zelas alone once again.  
  
She grabbed a bottle of wine, took another long drag on her cigarrette, and raised her wineglass in a silent toast to the departing couple.  
  
"Cheers," she said.

* * *

The End 


End file.
